Swinging Good or Bad?
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The following are thoughs from others;
(1) Moe from Raymond, New Hampshire asks:
Why do you promote sexual freedom when you tell
someone its okay to have sex with different guys? I am no prude, but all I seem to
meet are woman in their 40's and 50's who just want to have different partners. What's
wrong with a long-term thing and never mind the things you can pick up from sleeping with
a lot of different people? Come on!
Your inquiry is deeply embedded with ignorance and fear, the elder brothers of hatred. What you can't understand terrifies you and I'm afraid any answer I give will only serve to frighten you all the more. Your observations on sexual health and safety are flawed by the erroneous assumption that promiscuous or adventurous sexual behavior is the primary cause of venereal disease when the facts prove the contrary is actually true.
In cultures known to indulge in open sexual
behavior,the U.S. is one of them, the incidences of STD transmission is far lower than in
places which are highly traditional with moral focus placed on assumptions of monogamy. In
other words, the more promiscuous a culture, the less risk of STDs overall. Now this might
seem counter-intuitive until you stop to think that the real cause of rampant STDs is not
sex but ignorance. In cultures where STDs are an epidemic, various religious organizations
prevent sex education and block the use of condoms.
As for me, I have never advocated people to ignore
the risks that sex of any kind poses and any encouragement of sexual liberalism I ever
make is done with insistence of taking full responsibility for that action, and that
includes using birth control and putting on a condom and test often.
You look around at these women making love and
making choices and it drives you crazy because you'd rather they tow the line you draw and
have to shackle themselves to a man who will pay the bills in exchange for sex, just like
in the good old days.
Susan Dewey, Ph.D.
(2) She noticed that I was considerably happier than I had been in previous years, and seemed to have a lust for life (she was stuck in her marriage with kids & bills, yep in a rut).
We have been friends since our high
school days, I was visiting her with my partner out east. After a few days, I told her and
her husband what my partner and I were doing. At first, she had lots of questions
(Arent you worried about disease? Are you worried one of you will find someone else
you love even more and end up splitting up? etc.). Even after answering her questions and
telling her some of our stories, she still wasnt comfortable with our activities.
My partner thinks
its because people have a romantic notion about marriage, and theres a lot of
underlying religious issues also. He finds it interesting that most people will be
titillated by stories of affairs, wishing they could have fun on the side as well (many
do), but also wrapped up in the drama of the cheating and lying. So, if many people are
willing to consider having an affair, or look the other way or are empathetic to friends
who have affairs, why wouldnt they be open to a healthier situationwhere there
is no lying or cheating, where both people participate and support each other, and get to
have the benefits of an expanded pool of lovers?
While this may be true for some (the more hardcore and seasoned swingers), it is certainly not necessarily true for the newer couples or single females. Most of the people that we truly know in the lifestyle are very cautious courteous and respectful as well as some even have a few restrictions or rules that guide their play.
Some that swing are only
voyeurs or only engage in female / female play (the guys may watch, and then play with
their own spouse at the end). A few will soft swap (stay with their own partner, but have
sex next to another couple and watch each other have sex), in some cases allowing some
touch between the couples or even oral sex. Others will full swap (switch partners),
either with one other couple or twenty other couples some enjoy more than two couples on
the same bed. Some may be into fetish or extreme activities. Most all couples that have
been into swinging for any amount of time are respectful of other peoples boundaries
(although they may not be interested in playing with others who prefer a different level
of intensity or like different ways of playing).
Some people have written in online Lifestyle forums that they wish the world would be more accepting of alternative Lifestyles, and want to follow the homosexual communitys example of being proactive to reduce societys barriers. Others think that part of the excitement of the Lifestyle is that it is considered taboo by society, making what we do special and distinct from what most people consider normal and proper.
What bothers us is that most
people truly dont understand how liberating the Lifestyle is, how much it has helped
so many grow and improve ones self confidence. We know many that are having much more fun
now that they have gotten many new friends who are willing to share their knowledge and
talents to make sex even better than it was before. Some things improve with age, and
maturity certainly helps one enjoy sex much more (if one can only decide to climb up out
of the rut and experiment).
The greatest paradox of all, it
has made many have much more love for their partner and have it been so much stronger than
it was before!
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