Kate's Observations

While I have only been associated with L'Sota for a couple of years, I'd like to add my observations to what this club is about from a "single" woman's view.

In my life outside L'Sota I am in a committed relationship of many years. If my friends, family, and co-workers were aware of my participation within the Lifestyle, they'd be, most likely, shocked and horrified.

I have always been a proponent of open marriages and relationships, believing in the ideology of "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect. "

I have known about L'Sota for many years. My suggestion to my partner to explore an open relationship was not met with enthusiasm, so we continued with our lives as it was. As years passed, I found I had to make a choice for myself. Once that choice was made, I have found so many things that have enriched my life because of my involvement with Dave and Dena, as well as L'Sota. Accepting the Lifestyle has made an amazing difference in my attitude toward life. I've made some amazing friends, have re-learned to believe in myself and "go for the gusto!"

As one of the single women in the club, I have found I don't have to explain myself, feel apologetic, or ashamed about what many of society's members might consider slut-like behavior. I can go to events, dressed in a provocative style. Or I can be comfy in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I've worn costumes and formal attire to dances. I have people who are happy to see me and greet me with hugs and kisses, people whose faces light up when they see me, just because I'm me.

I was nervous about attending my first L'Sota function, which happened to be one of the dances. Who would I meet? What did they expect from me? In spite of everything Dave had told me and what I'd read on the website, I was still uncertain about what I'd find. After all, Dave and Dena had been doing this for years, while I'd only thought about it!

My self-image was not the best. I've never been afraid to get naked in a room full of people, but there was the fear that I wouldn't be attractive enough for anyone to be interested in! After the child-bearing years, and a refrigerator which was far too good of a friend, my body was no longer reed thin, but had rolls and bulges I didn't think much of. I had it in my mind that maybe I'd be hiding back in a dark corner, feeling lost and very much alone.

That wasn't the case. Everyone had a smile and a kind word for me, and I found if I put myself out there and talked to people, they talked to me. I kept a smile on my face and did a lot of listening. And Dena and I danced ourselves silly! When we got to the Hospitality Suite after the dance, I saw both the men and ladies looking me over, not as "fresh meat," but in a curiosity way – wondering if I was ready to play. I wasn't...not for several of the dances I attended, but one night I knew the time was right and I headed into the Group Suite with no hesitation whatsoever. I had so much fun and lots and lots of pleasure to give and receive!

When a lot of people think of swinging, it seems they think of it almost like some sort of pile of writhing bodies, no rhyme or reason to what goes on. It's not like that at all. There may be lots of bodies in the Group Suite, but everyone is respectful of the others in the room, and "no" really DOES mean no! You go in with a partner, and you come out with a partner, too. If you're nervous, just don't go in – wait until you are ready!

Play nights are lots of fun, too. It probably does resemble more what people think of when they think of swinging. It's a time set aside for sex and nothing but sex. When it's time to begin, the lights are dimmed and the clothes come off. Again, though, "no" means no. That's one rule that never changes! It's as much or as little as each person wants it to be!

I could go on talking about why I think we live in such a sexually repressed world, but it ultimately comes down to each person has to choose how they want to have their sexual pleasure – monogamous, swinging, gay, bisexual, or straight – there's no "right" or "wrong." There's simply what each person requires. While my desires might not be the same as yours, being a member of L'Sota guarantees that I will be able to be myself in a group of folks whose sexual lifestyle choices are tolerated, understood, and can be talked about without fear or judgment even if the particular "fit" may not be everyone's cup of tea.

What it boils down to is this: The Lifestyle is not going to be for everyone, but if you believe a person should be able to enjoy giving and receiving sexual pleasure with other like-minded adults, L'Sota is one of the best places to be, whether you're experienced or brand new!

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