Why Complicate It?

Question: I'm looking for advice from experienced swingers on how to handle some complex emotions from a swinging situation.

My wife and I are not swingers, however we recently fooled around with another couple. Over the course of a month or so, while we were fooling around with this other couple, my wife and the other man became quite close friends, and there was a very strong attraction between them. It turned out that the other couple's relationship was not so strong, so out of respect for them and the fact that we didn't want to get tied up in the drama, we have stopped socializing with them until they get things figured out.

The issue now is that my wife is feeling sad because of the loss of the relationship she was developing with the other man. Think of it like she feels like she broke up with a boyfriend.

My wife and I have a very solid relationship with great respect, love and communication, which is why we have been able to openly talk about this issue in the first place. I have no doubt about her love for me and don't fear that she would ever abandon our relationship.

My question now is do any experienced swingers have tips for dealing with a breakup of this kind? I want to do everything I can to support my wonderful wife and help her to get through this emotional breakup. I don't want to smother her, but I want to assure her that I love her and am here for her as her husband and as a friend.


Response: The two of you no longer are seeing this other couple, where she, your wife, has developed a "close" friendship with this male. It's just like she has broken up with a boyfriend.

That is one of the many issues as well as reasons couples that are new or newer to swinging A.K.A. the Lifestyle really need to have their relationship totally together as well as to truly as well as honestly know your primary partner.

To be able to turn off the emotions within sex no matter if it's just a "friend with benefits or in fact within the area of swinging, can be very difficult for some to do both on the female as well as male side of things.

This is one of the many reasons some couples attend a party, get hooked up and play and then go their own way until next time after they have experienced enough orgasms to call it a night. That is all that they desire hedonistic sexual pleasure.

Many single females that are involved in the Lifestyle in fact do the very same thing. They have no desire or time for the cutzy crap of doing dinner, coming over to pet the dog and meet the cat or to text or e-mail with you every day or even every week. They simply desire fufilling sex and go home wth out all the crap attached.

There are some males out there in swing land that are NOT simply looking to swing and swap partners. U unfortunately they are seeking to"up-grade"on a permeant basis.

We call these type of male an Ass Hole! The scary thing about them, you may not notice unless of course you are very observant as well as paying close attention and experienced in human nature. If you have been around swinging for many many years these A.H.'s really stick out no matter how suave thay think they are.

In this situation per the question, they in fact had a sexual as well as an emotional connection and of course it is normal for her to be feeling this lose.......... if in fact she was single but she is not!! She must know herself as well as what emotions she can handle. Obviously with her, that was far from the case in point.

Sex in swinging, swapping partners or FWB's for the simple pure hedonistic pleasure of sex is fabulous! Sex where there becomes an emotional attachment is not, at least not in the format that we are discussing.

Sometimes it becomes the responsibility of the male from the other couple to say "woooo this is getting out of hand". In your situation you are the one that pulled her back into reality.

One suggestion would be to decide first if you two are interested in pursuing a swinging Lifestyle and if so try to meet some other couples. If she sees there are other people she can be friends with as well as be sexual with she should be able to get over this one guy.

If you two decide not to continue swinging, then just support her like you would if she had just lost a close friend. Just because it was a male friend and they had sex, the basic lose feeling is very similar. We wish you the very best!

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