Dena's Observations

For clarification on this page, when we say "new couples" for simplicity's sake we will include single women in the group of "new couples." We aren't necessarily speaking of a "new couple" to swinging we are talking about a new couple to L'Sota.

L'Sota, is a true "swing club." But, what does that mean? What that means is if you truly desire to meet other couples that would like to "swing" as in swap partners, get naked and enjoy, you are certainly able to do that at L'Sota.

Dave and I started swinging long ago. Dave began when he was 21, and I was 19 when I started my swing journey. I'm now 43 and Dave is just over the big 50! OK, he's been swinging longer then what I have been but that's OK. If it wasn't for Dave I doubt I would have gotten involved in swinging and the Lifestyle. I didn't even know what swinging and swapping partners was! That is another story which can be found on the"meet the hosts" page of this site.

I won't pull any punches here. What we have discovered over the past 24 plus years of swinging together, many couples get their knowledge from going to Meet & Greets which are wonderful if you desire to make "friends," drink, raise hell and then maybe, just maybe, get laid. I don't know about you, but I did all of the bar thing I cared to do back in high school and during my college days. I would hope that I have grown well out of the "tee-hee" stage of my life.

As a mature woman with a career, which takes up 40-60 hours a week – Dave's career also requires that kind of time and commitment, I find that my free time is my time, or our fun time together. Free time for me is NO house work and NO kids as our kids are well out of the nest and on their own. You may be able to relate. If you can't and do have children still at home, hang in there, time fly's! .....hehehe.

Don't you ever just wish, and maybe you already have that you could frequent a location that is safe, clean, discreet, upscale and respectful where everyone there is actually a "swinger"? Maybe do a little bit of chatting and maybe a lot of dancing then walk down the hall to a private secure hospitality and Group Suite, get naked if you so desire in the Group Suite with other like-minded couples and single females and have sex, with a few orgasms and no strings? Have sex with one, two, three or more others? That you can be who you actually are without being intoxicated or out to impress someone?

L'Sota does not hold functions in bars, you don't have to drink to excess, or at all for that matter to have a sexsational time! You don't have to be one of the "in" couples. No tattoos or piercing are required, if you have those, cool, but certainly not required to "fit in." You don't even have to be a size 2-4-6-8-or-18, and no boob jobs are required. You don't have to be cutezy or the most popular online, in chat rooms or on forums to get attention, hell, you don't even have to own a Harley! All you have to be is simply yourself at L'Sota. I know - sounds to good to be true!

Now, just because you are a member of L'Sota or come to a L'Sota Dance Blast doesn't mean that having sex is a requirement. What it does mean is that you are honestly, truly seeking something other than a bar room "rush" or to be observed with the "swingers".....Gee, you might even honestly desire to have sex. As swingers, is that not a novel idea? OK, I'm being facetious!

What we have also discovered in the last 24 plus years is there are couples out there that really have jobs and careers as well as families and when they are away from those things they truly desire to discreetly play, have sex and totally enjoy. They want to take their spouse, friend, or significant other out one or two nights a month and discreetly let their hair down. Not by drinking or using illegal drugs or being a total smart ass, but to indulge in fulfilling, discreet, hedonistic, relaxing, orgasmic sex! It's really that simple.

It seems as though some really do want the world to know on some online sites that they drank a case of beer, a fifth of whiskey, maybe even maybe they went to jail for public intoxication and acted like they were 18 again by tearing up a motel room, passing out or "flashing" in public. Oh boy, that sounds exactly what I want to do on a Saturday night....NOT!

Some of us actually make quality time for our families, including our spouses/significant others, children, sporting events, working in and around our homes and many other things that many of us enjoy. Some of us bring work home from the office, clean our homes, are involved with more on our computers then "chatting" to others or working on "Farmville." Now, there is nothing wrong with that if that is your thing and you have an abundance of time.

What I'm saying here is that there are those of us that are discreet, real, everyday down-to-earth, normal looking, and responsible people that simply enjoy casual, hedonistic, non-monogamous sex. Many of us simply don't have the time to wine and dine you, meet your kids, take vacations together or talk with you on the phone daily, weekly or even monthly. When we see you at a L'Sota function we are happy to see you, dance with you, talk with you, play with you, and so on.

Don't get me wrong, we are always here for you, and we're just a phone call away should you ever have any questions about the club, swinging, swapping or sex. If we don't have the answer(s) we will research it and get back with you. We are always more then happy to help you in any way that we can. That is why we run a swing club; we believe in the philosophy of and the Alternative Adult Lifestyle.

We are finding more and more mature adult couples are tired of the "games" and when I say mature I'm saying mature not as in age..........well, really that too but I'm saying that in the quality of their sex as in "swinging." It is possible to be sexually mature at 21, unlikely but possible. Then again, it's possible however unlikely to be sexual immature at 40. They, those that are in fact sexually mature understand that it really is 100% OK to have sex with others than your husband, wife or significant other.

Some simply swing with their "friend" as they don't have a spouse or significant other. They have already figured this out. Still others "swing" but don't know they are swinging, they just don't do so in an organized setting and have yet to figure out they are in fact really swinging.....Does that make sense?

Many couples have had it with meeting online, going out to a bar talking for hours only to learn that "Sorry sparky, it ain't happening tonight." The reasons may range from "it ain't ever going to happen because we really don't swap" to "we want to get to know you well first." Like, how are they going to get to know you? Dog you for the next 3 months? Call and or e-mail you daily, come over to your house for a few dinners? Look in your closets? Check your tax return? Maybe go to the movies? If I wanted to "date" hell, I wouldn't have married....OK, that may be a stretch.

Many couples when they are not working or sleeping enjoy doing dinner just as a couple, going to the theatre or to the symphony, playing golf, fishing, etc., without an entourage. Maybe going to a race, doing a weekend get a way as a couple or boating as a couple, bowling, swimming as a couple. You fill in the blank, whatever it is you do as a couple. Then when you or they desire to "party" a.k.a. swing and play, you do THAT with that special someone and others. Again, I'm well past the "dating" thing. If you are also, then that is another reason why L'Sota is the club for you.

Now, for those that are looking to change partners on a permanent basis, I'll tell here and now that L'Sota is NOT for you! If your relationship is rocky, please get things worked out THEN come to L'Sota. L'Sota or the Lifestyle is NOT a Band Aid fix for any relationship issue! L'Sota as well as most all other clubs have no desire and will NOT put up with a couples drama!

We, as well as many if not all other L'Sota members aren't going to chase you to play with you. Like yourselves, we have a life with many, many other interests than just sex, but sex of course rates right up there! We aren't going to e-mail you, call you and talk about the weather or who said what about whom or bother you. We'll see you at the club. That is pretty simple.

If you enjoy very secure and clean settings where respect and discretion is the rule, where you don't have to worry about someone running off and joining the circus with your partner, if you're truly seeking nice, sexy, clean people of all shapes ages and sizes, L'Sota may just be what you're looking for.

There are some swing site forums that read like a soap opera! Drama, drama and more drama! Someone seems to always be pissed at someone or one group is upset at another. The old "he said-she said," "they did or he or she did" thing and the rumor mills are always active.....really, does anyone care? What does that have to do with pure enjoyable hedonistic sex? Not at all desired at ANY L'Sota function, not desired any where for that matter but it happens online.

Rumors? Remember, if they talk with you behind someone's back, maybe, no, it's more then likely, you'll be their target of a rumor sooner or later! Most certainly sooner or later they WILL talk behind your back(s)! Yes, even in the Lifestyle unfortunately that happens. Again, simply look at the maturity level and consider the source. Why talk bull shit? Come to a Dance Blast, dance, mingle, have fun, get naked if you desire after the dance and enjoy, leave the drama behind!

It seems as though some people desire to make swinging, sex and swapping a big production. Really, it's very enjoyable, sensual, fulfilling and simple if - and the key word here is "if" - if you deduct all the "crap" and drama from it.

Swinging is one of those things that seems to be full of experts. By now most all of us are familiar with Malcolm Gladwell's book and proposition Outliers, the basic overview of the book is that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at something. (Herb Simon in the 1970s.) "There are, of course, many provisos to the 10,000 hour rule. As just one example, to acquire mastery in an area, its not enough to just practice for 10,000 hours; the person practicing must constantly strive to get better. Someone who practices without pushing themselves will plateau, no matter how many hours they practice.")

Now the cool thing about swinging and swapping is that for most of us we have had sex. For some, it's already been and will be many many partners, for others not that many. If in fact Gladwell is correct then just how many true experts are there in swinging? 10,000 hours of logged bed time with others? 10,000 hours at swing clubs? 10,000 hours of being online talking and typing about it? 10,000 hours of thinking about it? How about continuing education hours? OK, I think you get it.....

How we each have sex is something that is of personal preference. Some are hedonistic, open, free with very high sex drives, we call that a high libido. Others are not that sexual, they may think that they are but are they really? Only they can answer that, better put, only their partner(s) can answer that.

The bottom line here is this. If you're a couple or single female that's ready to meet others who are truly interested in sexually pleasing you and you them, L'Sota may be for you. If you enjoy mingling as well as dancing in a "free spirit" setting, if you have your relationship and sexuality together as a couple or single female then L'Sota is your place to be.